hokay. so.

here's the situation.

i haven't updated in a couple of months because (drumroll, please):

NOBODY COMES TO XANGA ANYMORE.

and, far from jumping on the bandwagon, i post blogs on myspace rather than here because frankly, if i spend a lot of time typing up a blog, i'd rather post it where people are actually going to read it.

so as of right now, this xanga is dead.

or at least in long-term hibernation.

if you want to read my shit, check it out here.

weekends make me long-winded.

1. high school is supposedly day after day of self-discovery.

yesterday, i discovered - or realized, or admitted, or accepted - that there are some people whom it's simply impossible to truly "get over".  no matter how much of a complete shit they might be.  it's a strange phenomenon.

lauren was accidentally wise yesterday when she said that none of us girls will ever really get over him.  i hadn't really thought about that.  but at least it's not just me.

2. this year's theatre crowd, despite the weird mix of people, is actually so much better than any other combination in that crowd that i've ever encountered in high school. 

for the first time, i felt like i belonged at the one-act / reader's theatre cast party yesterday.  i talked to people, i ate, i flirted a bit, i watched people play guitar hero and sang along with trogdor.

the only other time at a cast party that i had that good of a time was the one-act cast party sophomore year when i apparently left too early and missed an interesting game. 

maybe it's something about one-acts.  or maybe there were just certain people in the "mainstream" drama crowd up until now that just radiated bad vibes.

i now love more than before: heath, suzanne (and suzanne's dancing), and hileman.  and i still say that the one-act was worth seeing if only to hear hileman utter the words "dude is a mother."

3. tip for guys:  if a girl gets mad at you for something, using the excuse "i'm a guy!"  is probably not going to help your case.

4. ah, yes, the traditional "who really understands me?" rant.  and quite frankly, i can say that nobody does.  in fact, not even i do.  i'm not emo or angry about this, mind; i'm just stating a fact.

so, some random stuff about me, to enlighten:

        a) my ears are both currently plugged.

        b)  i always cry at musicals if they are well-performed.  no matter how many times i've seen them.  i also get immense amounts of pent-up energy at musicals, though the type of energy greatly varies depending on the show.  (for example, "phantom" energy vs. "hairspray" energy - one is predominantly sexual, the other purely from the dance music.  why do i analyze these things?)

        c) i really enjoy art.  i'm not a hardcore artist, but i like to draw and paint and fool around with oil pastels.

        d) on my headboard there are five stuffed animals:  a weasel, a mongoose, two dragons and a fish.

        e) i just started doing my ballet classes en pointe.

         f) i think a lot about people i love.  and i probably love all of them more than they know.

         g) on that same note, i like a lot of physical contact with those people.  so i hug a lot.  i put my head on shoulders or my arms around waists.  sometimes i'll grab a hand or sit on a lap if i don't think it'll freak someone out.  but at the same time, i have a big space bubble in crowds.  it's an interesting mix.

         h) i've recently become semi-obsessed with tick, tick...BOOM!  you know, jonathan larson's "other" musical?  it's got some ultra music.

         i) there is someone at school i want to injure to the point of sterilization.  but this is only in order to protect someone (i won't mention names).

         j) inspired by found magazine, i am collecting random notes and such that people find, in order to compile them into a book.  currently, i have one note.

         k) i think everyone would look better in cat makeup.  even if they look damn good already.

         l) when i fall for people, i don't stop falling for a long time.  the longest "crush" (i wish i knew a better term for it) i have had has been on-and-off for about five years, if you can believe that.  the shortest has been for about six months; i'm still waiting for that one to fully end. but maybe the rule above applies here - you know, the people you never quite get over?

        m) i still occasionally listen to boyband music.  which is strange, because i never liked them when they were popular.

        n) sometimes i will think of a random word combination and try to decide whether it would be a good name for a band.

       o) i need someone to write music to go with my lyrics.

       p) my greatest frustration about the later stages of a cold is not being able to sing.

...that's enough for now.  i don't want to reveal my whole soul, after all.

hanyway.  hope you guys learned a little something.

let's perpetuate stereotypes!

these things are so stupid.  how many of us really define our lives by labels?  the fact that any person would put x's in more than one category  - if they were honest with themselves - just proves that these things are pointless.  and you know what?  if you really need a quiz like this to figure out what "clique" you fit into, then i pity you.

p.s. what the fuck are "scene" and "straightline"?

--DRAMA DORK--
[x] Ever been in a play?
[x] More than 10 Broadway shows? (i'm going to assume they mean "seen" more than 10 broadway shows.)
[x] Have you ever been/Are you in school shows?
[x] Does your current job involve theater in some way? (well, let's see...not having a job = very much like theater.  so, sure.)
[x] Want to end up working in/for theater
[x] Can you recite all of the lyrics to your favorite play/musical? (guys, i know people who know all of the words to "phantom of the opera" who are in no way "drama dorks".)
[x] Do you break out into random songs
Total : 7

--HIGH CLASS--
[ ] You went/go tanning. (getting skin cancer does not equal high class.)
[ ] You own something from coach
[ ] You own something from juicy couture
[ ] You own something from louis vuitton
[x] You own an iPod/MP3 player/CD player
[x] You love Starbucks.
[ ] You have been called a brat.
[ ] You have tons of shoes (way fewer than people i know.)
[ ] You hate buying things that are on sale. (those are the best things!)
Total: 1

--REDNECK--
[ ] Have you driven a four-wheeler?
[ ] Do you love to ride four-wheelers?
[x] Do you like to get dirty in mud? (so, wait, being in touch with my inner child makes me a redneck?  i don't think so.)
[ ] Do you like country music?
[ ] Do you have a broken car in your backyard?
[ ] Do you own a cowboy hat?
[ ] Do you live/own on more then 1 acres? (this is the stupidest yet.)
[ ] Do you mudbog on your free time?
[x] Do you like mud? (this is basically the same question...)
Total: 2


-GOTH--
[x] Do you wear black eyeliner?
[x] Is most of your clothing dark?
[x] Do you think about death?
[ ] Do you want to die?
[ ] Are you a social outcast?
[x] Are you pale? (again, the fact that i don't want to get skin cancer should not define me.)
[x] Do you like Hot Topic?
[x] Do you enjoy Tim Burton movies?
[ ] Are you mean sometimes? (maybe not often enough.  i know some goths who are the nicest people ever and some not-goths who are complete bitches.)
Total: 6


--PUNK--
[ ] Can you skateboard?
[x] Do you wear or like Vans?
[x] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends? (EVERYONE does stupid stuff with their friends, at least those people who like to have fun.)
[ ] Do you watch the x-games?
[x] Do you have any piercing's?
[x] Do you like/wear a mohawk? (i suppose fauxhawks count?)
[ ] Do you wear Band T-shirts?
[x]Have you called someone a poser recently? (only internally.  like the people who made this survey.)
Total : 5


--PREP--
[x] Do you say the word "like"?
[ ] You have/do shop at AE/Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch
[ ] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?
[ ] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?
[x] Do you like pop music? (on occasion.)
[ ] Do you want/have a small dog?
[ ] Do you buy clothing with pre made holes in them (i can make my own holes, thanks.)
Total : 5

--HIPPIE--
[ ] Are you a vegetarian?
[ ] is your hair long?
[x] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?
[x] Do you want to save the animals? (which animals?  i think the rabbits are doing just fine.)
[x] Do you think war is unnecessary?
[x] Do you like classic rock?
[ ] Have you ever participated in a protest?
[ ] Have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree?
[ ] have you ever smoked pot?
[ ] have u ever done halucenagenic drugs (okay, besides the fact that you can't spell "hallucinogenic"...)
[ ] Do you own posters/stickers/ other items with "hippie" bands on them
Total : 4

--SCENE--
[ ] You wear little tiny bows in your hair
[x] You like mardi gras beads, pearls and plastic beads
[ ] You have at least 3 shirts with tiny designs all throughout the shirt
[ ] You like mini-skirts
[ ] You have/do part your hair to the side
[x] You think polka-dots are way cute (i've never actually used that wording, but sure.)
[ ] You have shopped at Charolette Russe
[x] You have done a peace sign while you pose for a picture (when i was a kid, maybe.  but if we're really doing the stereotype thing, shouldn't this go under "hippie"?)
[ ] You've been called scene before
Total: 3

--GANGSTA--
[ ] Do you act ghetto?
[ ] Do you wear do-rags?
[ ] Do you like hip-hop?
[ ] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[ ] Do you believe he's alive?
[ ] Do you like afro's?
[ ]Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?
[x] Do you like to dance? (check the box: [x]do you just throw random shit into this?)
Total : 1


--EMO--
[ ] Do you cry often?
[ ] Do you wear hoodies?
[x] Do you like soft music? (well, i don't like all loud music.)
[x] Do people not understand you?
[x] Do you write your own poems?
[x] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark?
[ ]Do you cut your own hair? (tried it once when i was a kid; it didn't work out.)
[ ]Are you lonely?
[x]Is "Ohio Is for lovers" by Hawthorne Heights a good song?
Total : 5

[STRAIGHTEDGE]
[x] You like loud music (i like variety in my music.)
[ ] You once loved the Ninja Turtles.
[ ] You never walk anywhere.
[x] You wear slip-on shoes.
[ ] You like/love Norma Jean.
[ ] You wear band t-shirts.
[x? ] People have called you a freak and meant it. (i'm really not sure if ryan means it or not.  either way, i don't care.)
[ ] You love to "hardcore" dance.. (define hardcore.  headbanging?)
[x] Your hair has been dyed more than once.
[x] Wear blue jeans. (that's a sentence fragment.  change it.)
Total: 5?

[Athletic]
[ ] You watch the superbowl. (i only like the commericals.)
[ ] You own track shoes or cleats other sports related shoes.
[ ] You collect your jerseys.
[x] You have/ had a special shelf for trophies and awards. (speech and debate trophies, hahahaha)
[ ]You have/had posters or plaques of famous athletes.
[ ] Your garage/shed consists of sports equipment.
[x] You belong/belonged to a school team. (...speech and debate team!  man, i'm on fire today!)
[ ] You are going to/did join a sports team
[ ]You have a specific number preferred for your jersey.
Total: 2

--SURFER--
[ ] Do you surf? (i'm in missouri.  where would i go?)
[ ] Do you wear flip flops year-round?
[ ] Is your hair shaggy?
[ ] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?
[ ] Do you own Many pairs of shorts?
[ ] Do you yearn for the smell of salt water?
[x] Do you want to be at the beach right now?
[ ]Do you hate/dislike tourists?
Total:  1


--GEEK--
[x] Do u wear glasses (sometimes.)
[ ] Do you use an inhaler?
[ ] Do you stick pens and calculators in your pockets?
[ ] Does your mom pick out your clothes?
[x] Are you on the computer often?
[x] Do you carry around tissues in those containers? (tissues, yes.  but what containers?)
[ ] Do you look forward to going to school?
[ ] Are you shy around the opposite sex?
[ ] Do you play video games
Total : 3

repost what 2 highest catgories you have

okay, bad speller, according to this, i am a "drama dork goth punk prep emo straightedge".  make sense much?  yeah, i thought not.

give me a fucking break.

yes, i'm cynical today.  why do you ask?

how long till next year?

why the spirit of christmas has great fashion sense.

i can only hope that my house is not egged for writing this.

but, in the spirit of the season, here's my theory.

think about angel.  (if you do not know who angel is, then you won't understand this blog.)

there's the name, first of all.  no need to hide the blatant symbolism there.

she shows up one day at the point when everyone's lives suck about as much as it's possible to suck.  nobody knows where she comes from.

she then proceeds to be a part of people's lives for just long enough to make things better.  one might even say that she redeems them, in a way.

and then...she dies.  in circumstances beyond her control.

and at the end of the show, she comes back.

...

does anyone else think this is too coincidental to be an accident?

if jonathan larson hadn't had an aneurysm, i would ask him.

but i am truly convinced that angel is the bohemian messiah.

do tell me what you think.